Many of us have watched a good friend go through the grieving process after losing a loved one and have been frustrated by not being able to do more to comfort them. Experts explain this is a common feeling and provide some suggestions to help.
One of the first things to remember is everyone experiences grief in their own way. Heather L. McGinty, assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral health at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus, explains grief triggers a range of emotions, sensations and behaviors and can be complex.
A person’s emotions may swing from tearfulness to anger or denial, and as a friend, it can be hard to know what to say. Loneliness, betrayal, fear and acceptance are some of the other emotions grief brings up. Some people even experience physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach aches.
If you want to help, grief counselors say to first make sure the person wants it; and recommend asking if they want the type of support you hope to offer, such as spending time with them. Some people are very private and prefer to grieve in their own way. The most important thing is to be supportive of their wishes and be prepared to listen rather than hand out advice. Also, be specific like letting them know you want to take them to lunch when they are ready, or bring over a meal, run errands or do some yard work.
Experts say avoid telling the person you know how they feel. Again, everyone experiences grief differently. Even if you don’t understand the way the person is acting out their grief, be supportive not judgmental. Lastly, don't say things like “everything happens for a reason” or “they are in a better place.” If you think they would benefit from professional support, be sure to encourage it.
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